"Throwaway" by The Posies

I haven't been feeling well again with my throat, the weather does that to me here, my joints and just yet another huge financial setback on the wife's truck repair. However, I do remember how down and out I felt nine years ago in North Carolina. But I kept working my ass off with two jobs to pay off CEFCU's line of credit and building up the cash for when I would return to Austin. Sure this song came out two years earlier yet it ran through my head frequently. It doesn't sound very positive at first, unless you hear the music Jon Auer & Ken Stringfellow put to it. To me it's about wallowing in the pity, then pushing forward and taking charge, even though you may fall down again and again. I couldn't find a "true" picture of optimism. The goal then was returning to Austin which I have never regretted.

I remember giving up the gory details
And it left me tongue-tied (such an elementary sickness)
Now I don't want to think and I don't want to feel
I wasn't aware that this was part of the deal
When I put my finger on a greater expectation
But just my luck, I lack the patience of a statesman
And all of my language will fail to convey
That I'm terribly twisted around what I say
And the message I threw away

I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now

So I keep worrying and it only grows to hurt me
But time is wasting and I'm watching it desert me
I'm digging a hole and I'm making it deep
And I'm starting to question the hours that I keep
And the answer that I put to sleep

I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now

And so I'm writing with the hope that someone's reading
For all to likely runs the risk of me repeating
But I don't have the guts to prevent the decay
And I'm terribly twisted around what I say
And the courage that I threw away

I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now
I don't have it now